Khouria Frederica Mathewes-Green, a long-time friend and well-known Orthodox writer, has an excellent piece in First Things that I had not seen (it’s almost a year old). A friend sent me a link and I deeply enjoyed the read. It is a creative use of sources that I really appreciate in a writer – someone who shows me something about God or the world I had not known or considered. I recommend the read.
Archive for July 14th, 2008
Having just posted “ten books of influence,” (by request) – I’ve been reflecting on the role of books in the Orthodox life. I’ll start with the story of a brief encounter:
During my years as an Anglican priest, I continued to read Orthodox writings, a practice that had begun in college. I worked on “digesting” what I read and making it part of my life. To an extent it certainly had an effect on me: I liked Orthodox things (at least those I actually encountered). At that point in my life I had attended exactly one Orthodox liturgy (all in Greek) and this on a major feast during a weekday morning with about 15 people in attendance. Thus I cannot say that my interest in “things Orthodox” had much to do with the reality of Orthodoxy as it actually exists. In honesty, I would have to say I liked reading about Orthodoxy. I had a few mounted icon prints but did not much know what to do with them.
Somewhere in the mid-80’s, I met a woman who had been an Anglican nun, but had converted to Orthodoxy. Where I met her is a long story and not of real concern. But I was very interested to hear her story and find out about someone who had actually done what, at the time, was little more than a fantasy for me.
She told me her story – which itself was quite a spiritual journey. Then she asked me about myself and my interest in Orthodoxy. I have no remembrance of what I said to her. Doubtless I rambled on a bit about this and that.
When I finished she said to me, “Stephen, you think a lot. Someday, you’ll think with your heart and when you do, you’ll be Orthodox.”
I was struck dumb at the statement, but it stayed with me – for years. Indeed, I pondered it even after I became Orthodox.
In a book by the mother of Bishop Hilarion Alfeyev (Pilgrimage to Dzhivari), the abbot of a monastery says to the main character (a woman who has largely found her way into Orthodoxy by an intellectual path): “You should read no more hours in a day than you pray.” I was struck by the statement when I first read it and thought that there was more than a little truth in it.
If, before becoming Orthodox, I had spent 100 hours in reading about the Orthodox faith (I have no way of guessing what the real amount of time was), it is certainly true that it had far less impact on my life than the first 100 hours of worship as an Orthodox Christian.
Books should never be disparaged (least of all by someone who tends to write as much as I do). However, by their very nature, books will not bring us into the Kingdom of God. Indeed, the intellectual life can often be a poor substitute, even a delusion, when it comes to the truth of our life in Christ.
One hour of prayer, or one hour of Church, is worth far more than one hour of reading in the same way that one hour of walking is of more value than one hour of reading about the benefits of walking. But this very fact is frequently stated in one form or another in the books one reads on Orthodoxy. Thus we have the strange phenomenon of reading books telling us to do something other than reading books. We agree intellectually and then keep on reading.
In truth, I probably read less now than at any time in my life and how I read has changed greatly. I pick books very carefully now, and often take a long time to read them (a few pages a day). Of course, I’ve read a lot over the years that remains somewhere in my brain, undigested. It is useful, certainly, to have a certain amount of information at hand. But information is useless until you know what it means and how to use it.
Thus I read much less than I once did.
Generally, when I am working with people who are inquiring into the Orthodox faith, or working in the Catechumenate, I tend to stress Church attendance, prayer (in modest measure), fasting (very moderated), giving alms, and looking at fairly large matters (the sacraments, repentance, etc.). I do suggest reading, but find that I struggle more and more to find things that I actually think would be useful to read.
The conversion to Orthodoxy, I believe, happens somewhere that books rarely go (except by the grace of God). It is as I was told, “Someday you’ll think with your heart, and then you’ll be Orthodox.” It is a paradox to “think with the heart” but I know more about what it means now than when I first heard it and I continue to learn. Just finding the place of the heart is itself a great spiritual struggle. For me, it required a complete change in my life – leaving my employment and identity and beginning anew as a newly Chrismated Orthodox Christian. And that was only a beginning.
Read books, but look for God in the heart and understand just how difficult a thing it is. Strangely, we make more progress in the Kingdom of God by knowing how much we do not know, than by trying to know more than we do.